Pursuing Going Dry with Sean Robinson

Father, husband, Electrician, and Firefighter.  Sean's whole life led him to a place full of judgment and stubbornness. Surrounded by very masculine groups and taught his whole life to suck it up and be a man, he was led to believe that it was his responsibility to fix anything that might feel out of place.  After all, as children, we don't always know that the things we are taught, and the examples set for us are incorrect. How do we know that we have anything we need to fix about ourselves?

Through a lifetime of questionable habits, lifestyle choices and the wrong information, Sean would not find his way out of this without trying things that he had never done before, and being someone he had never been. Deciding to take a break from drinking alcohol gave him the permission to be different and to seek more information about how he could make a better life for himself.  The results: better personal health, better relationships, and better decisions.

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Transcript

0:24

Today, Sean Robinson joins the podcast and talks about the importance of breaking habits for a healthier lifestyle. Whether it's cutting out alcohol or simply brushing your teeth twice a day. Sean shares his personal experience of changing his drinking habits and how it affected his relationships, as well as the pressure he felt in tough masculine environments. He found success in taking on small goals and Building. on positive habits. I don't let toxic environments hold you back from pursuing healthy changes. Let's welcome sean to the podcast.

Melissa: 1:03

Sean Robinson, welcome to the Pursuing Uncomfortable Podcast. How are you today?

Sean: 1:08

Hi, Melissa. I'm doing great. How are you?

Melissa: 1:11

I'm doing well. Thank you for asking. Sean, where are you joining us from today?

Sean: 1:16

I am from, uh, Ontario, Canada. Uh, about two hours west of Toronto. Sorry, east of Toronto.

Melissa: 1:23

Excellent. You know, it's oddly, uh, a pattern that whenever I get guests from Canada, it reminds me why didn't I learn anything about Canada when I was growing up. I know a lot about different parts of the world, but there seems to be a huge gaping hole about Canadian geography and general, so I'm gonna learn more

Sean: 1:43

about that. I think we, we hide in plain sight.

Melissa: 1:49

Well, we'll look into that another day. But I invited you here to not only talk about Canadian geography, but to talk about a, what you do for a living. So tell us a little bit about yourself.

Sean: 2:03

Uh, so right now I'm a electrical project manager. Um, I've spent 20 years nearly working as a electrician, kind of working my way through, uh, apprenticeship to kind of more of a, a management position. Um, I'm also a volunteer firefighter. I've done that for, since actually August 1st. It'll be 20 years. So I've spending a lot of time doing that on the side, um, responding to anything. Through the day at night, uh, before work, during work, uh, you know, as, as things arise. So, uh, kind of a, an extensive background in, in the construction and very, um, tough masculine environments. So it's kind of, uh, built me for who I am and, and what experience I've, uh, I've come here to talk about.

Melissa: 2:51

I live in a small community and we rely on the volunteer e m s Fire. Paramedics. So thank you for doing what you do. Even though it's not my community, we would be lost without volunteers throughout the world. So I really appreciate that you

Sean: 3:08

do that. Well, thank you. It's, uh, it's definitely not for everyone, but, uh, those that of us that do it, uh, have a lot of pride in it. So,

Melissa: 3:18

no, Sean, um, You mentioned a lot of, um, machismo, you didn't use that word. I'm putting words in your mouth, but a lot of macho stuff. Is that a little bit about what you're gonna talk to us about today? What's behind all of that?

Sean: 3:36

Uh, it is, uh, so. Working, construction and, and coming from the background, my dad's a mechanic and I grew up with, uh, a lot of time spent outside in the garage helping fix cars. I fixed my own, um, decided I didn't wanna be a mechanic, but very tough masculine environment. Um, the fire department, uh, is a very tough masculine environment. The same, and there's a lot of expectations around those environments and, and it speaks more. In general and not, um, you know, however we identify. But, you know, speaking from my background, very, very, um, tough masculine environment, expected to live a certain lifestyle, maintain a certain, um, identity and, and basically carry a certain way about everything we do. And for, for my story, it, it kind of, I noticed a pattern in my drinking that that spoke to, you know how people around me were, were drinking alcohol, and I made a decision and I could get more to that, but I made a decision to stop drinking or to, at that time, take a break. And it was unbelievable to me how much extra pressure and expectation there was with the circles that I was in and still am in to maintain that

Melissa: 4:59

lifestyle. And the choice you made, it wasn't about being an alcoholic necessarily, but it was about a whole group of behaviors that alcohol was a part of that brought about this change for

Sean: 5:12

you. Absolutely. There was. Um, and speaking from my, my childhood, I guess, uh, to, to bring, to bring that my, my parents were together, they were married quite young. I was born when they were in their twenties, early twenties, so, There was a social lifestyle that they had had and there was a lot of friends and, you know, parties and functions. And it seemed from an early age, alcohol was, was an acceptable part of all of it. Um, to a point where I knew how to mix a proper Ryan Ginger Ale when I was, you know, very young, but eight, nine years old now. I was never consuming it at that point, but it was just there and it was acceptable. So from that environment, getting drinks from the fridge or the cooler to counting the, the beer cans to return for the deposits or whatever. It was just everywhere. And I, I thought I had a good teaching and a good handle of how I was supposed to be when I was holding my own functions or when I was drinking because I had to maintain a certain stock, know how to serve and host and all these things. And then, You know, fast forward to a bit of my own adulthood. I created my own habits and routines around that and, um, developed into what I thought was the social acceptable, um, uh, identity, you know, towards drinking. And it, it was, um, taking all of that and then the, the whole time developing into this, this person that never even thought about not having it in my life. And to, to, to, to speak about the, uh, non-addictive part of it. I didn't feel like I was, uh, addicted, but looking back, there was definitely some moments and I just felt like it had to be there. Everything I was doing, if I was barbecuing, if I was going to a function and it was there, I had to participate. If it was there, someone was coming over, we had to have a drink because that's what you do when you socialize. You do so around having this, this alcoholic beverage and all of these things were, were habits and routines that I, that I know it's not just common to me, but that's we, we have this ingrained in us that we have to have this while we're doing certain things and. It was, it was just wanting to be healthier. I was upwards of 320 pounds feeling pretty miserable mentally, physically, and I needed to make some healthier lifestyle choices. And removing alcohol for at least a little while, um, was something that kind of became much more, but in the moment, it was something I could remove that would help me. Start to think about losing weight or not eating, uh, unhealthy or whatever. So it, it didn't start as coming from the, uh, the addiction or, or the, um, you know, what it was doing other than, you know, the healthy lifestyle. So

Melissa: 8:09

what started happening in your social circles when you said, no thank you. When alcohol was being

Sean: 8:15

served? So when, when I decided to, to make a change, it was at the end of 2020. So it was the first. Year of covid and, and much I think the same everywhere, whatever limitations and shutdowns were in place, alcohol was never not available. Um, not to speak for some, some different dry communities, but it was easily accessible. And I found myself, cuz we weren't in Ontario, that was a lot more stringent than I think other locations, but we weren't allowed to do much. But I could always stop on my way from my, uh, Um, place of employment, which was considered essential. Um, I could stop and grab stuff. I could, and we weren't going out in the evening, so it was, um, easily for me to just have a few drinks in the evening or whatever. So to, uh, to have it became so, I was drinking a lot more and to, to end 2020, making the decision to do dry January. It was, it was okay and it wasn't, there wasn't a lot of pressure because there was a lot of people doing dry January, you get through Christmas and, and the, the, the festivities and functions that Christmas season and holiday season would include and, you know, it was okay for, for someone to, to not drink. So January became quite easy, although, About two weeks in, there was a lot of people that had committed to whatever version of the resolutions, new Year's resolutions they had. They would drop off. They would say, oh, I've made it two weeks. Or, you know, the first function after New Year's comes up and someone goes right back to old habits. I wasn't doing that, so people around me that would fall off, they were surprised. I was continuing to go. Getting through January and into February, I didn't feel like I'd been away enough to do what I wanted to do. So dry February, um, is something I committed to right away. And I started to feel more and more pressure as I got through February in, into March and, and establishing new goals for how long I thought I wanted to do this for. Because people couldn't believe that I just wasn't that person anymore. They couldn't believe that I could go to a function and not drink, or they, they didn't believe that, that I wasn't going to, you know, celebrate that I'd made it that far and just continue where I was. And, and it, it was almost more of a drive for me to prove everybody wrong. Um, as much as it was important for me to, to continue because the just. You know, the circles I was in, it just wasn't normal for someone that was such a big participant in, in drinking and, and whatever to just not do it anymore.

Melissa: 11:06

So internally it must have felt good or you wouldn't have continued. Can you tell us what was happening internally that propelled you to keep going with February and March and on down the road?

Sean: 11:22

I think in the beginning, I didn't know exactly what I was, like, how long I was doing this for, and even committing to the different months. It was, you know, you, you, you picture the big picture and a lot of the big picture is what makes us not be successful in our goals. So by breaking it down smaller, it definitely helped me without knowing it, but looking back and, and feeling. Different after the first month and second month, maybe I didn't feel as good, but getting through, you know, the, the a hundred days became the next goal from the to dry February and then committing to what was all of 2021, it, setting those goals, I could, I felt so much better as time went on and listening to different podcasts and reading, uh, and listening to audio books and regular books, and learning a lot more about the different habits and. Ways to control habits and different, uh, tools for getting through goal setting and, and habit tracking and all that. It, it, it definitely helped keep me in line and, and I was feeling so much better. My, I've got three young kids under 10 years old and, and I was waking up. Not like I was feeling miserable. My, my attitude had had changed substantially. So I had a lot more patience for what small children will, what, what they bring, and, and all of these things translated to the relationships that I have with, you know, coworkers and family and friends and, and, and so. My, my mental relationships and, and with that, but just physically a lot more energy. I've since lost, uh, about a hundred pounds, um, with, you know, not having this and not snacking, but also paying more attention to the other things that I can do that, that comes second to what I had set forth for myself. And, and it is such a substantial difference that I haven't gone back. I still remain, um, sober, not drinking and, and. I needed to create the tools that I could use in, in environments where alcohol is around that I didn't have before to not drink. So by drinking something different or pouring it into a coffee mug or some sort of special different, even if it's a red solo cup, at least pouring something else in there, gives me the mechanism to still play the game without playing the game.

Melissa: 13:57

Yeah. And sometimes it's just about what gets you through the moment.

Devon: 14:01

Hi, I wanna take a quick moment and tell you about my mom. She's an amazing mom and an amazing podcast host, isn't she? She's also amazing at helping people to understand and manage anxiety, and to build a strong experiential practice. She has online courses, books, and a lot of free resources and downloads to help you live an amazing life. So please check out Light Life and love ministries.com and her YouTube channel. Blue Weeks are in the show notes.

Sean: 14:29

Definitely. It, it's, it's having that, like I said, mechanism, like holding that cup and simulating that, like that, that, um, common, um, mechanism like movement that, that everyone else is doing. And even if it's just holding that in your hand while other, like you're, you're mingling and talking. It, it takes the pressure away from everyone around you because when I was going through that, it was awkward for people around me to then not have me doing that. And, and while I was trying to figure it out and, and what I needed to do to be successful, it was, it was like people didn't know I to handle me, so they made it more awkward if I was ordering something, not alcoholic at a. The restaurant cuz I still tried to go out, like I still tried to, to, you know, live my life without this in it. And it was like I'd order, and even in the beginning I didn't drink the non-alcoholic or mocktail options, but nine, 10 months through, through 2021, I started to have a couple of these. Um, and, and just to try them out, I'd order one and people, oh, he's not, he's not an alcoholic. He's just, he's just not drinking. And I found people were defending it for me, even though I didn't need them to do that. And it was like they needed to justify it like, like it needed something. And, and the awkwardness around it, it took some, some learning for, for everyone around me to figure out how to deal with that.

Melissa: 16:02

Have they navigated the space too? Are they more comfortable now with who you are?

Sean: 16:07

Uh, absolutely. I think in any lifestyle change, like you're going to lose some people along the way and, and it, it is a difficult thing to consider, but we have to be prepared for that. And you don't really know who and when. It's just. You start to change. And if those people don't accept who you are and who you're becoming, like you have to be prepared to move on and not go back. So while most of my circles have stayed intact there, there's definitely some relationships that have changed and, and some for the better. Like my, uh, I wrote a book, um, it's called Going Dry, my Path to Overcoming Habitual Drinking. And in this book I talk about, uh, being in a wedding during this year of, of change for me. And this wedding, my friend, um, was in my wedding and it was a point when I was drinking and we had a, you know, a lot of drinks and a good time. Now it's his wedding and I'm not that person anymore. So while I wanted to be there for him and I was there for him, there was a lot of pressure from him that held over me that year of change because he kept telling me, you'd better drink at my wedding. You'd better drink at my wedding. And while I wasn't going to, I didn't know during a lot of this how long I was doing this for, but I was pretty sure his September wedding wasn't going to have me drinking at it. And when we got fitted for the suits and where we did the bachelor parties and the, the showers and all these things, every time I kept hearing you'd better drink at my wedding and, and all of those pressures over me that entire year, by the end of of the year, he, he, above everybody else started to come around. So we were at one of these functions and, and he had said, or we, everybody around me was ordering these shots and, and drinks and double. Whatevers. And I ordered a Diet Pepsi and he, everybody else was served. And then again, and I, I was just sitting there trying not to not have a good time, trying not to bring the environment down. And eventually he spoke up to the server and say, listen, can you, can we please? Like, he hasn't had his drink yet. And it was small moments through the year. That being one of the big examples where the people around me started to, to realize how to deal with. With me. And, and I say that it sounds bad, but there was never really non-alcoholic options available at, at, uh, my friend's places, right? Everybody stocks the latest, you know, uh, what they're drinking and what their friends might have, but we're not facilitating it otherwise. And, and I don't ask anybody to do that, but it was kind of neat to see people starting to have some of these 0% to send some, some different. You know, soda waters or whatever, just in case me or other people. Cuz it's, cuz I found a lot more people, especially from 20 20, 20 21 when I started. There's a lot more people deciding to do this and not drink alcohol and, and, and it, it was, it's been really cool to see the support.

Melissa: 19:11

Do you think your choices gave them permission to make choices that would benefit them as well?

Sean: 19:17

Uh, I think some of that is, uh, yeah, I think for sure. Um, Back to my construction and, and that masculine and even toxic masculine environment, you know, we're not talking about self-help and, and betterment and development and all these things we're, we're maintaining, staying in our lane, living the same lifestyle. And, and I think having someone that's not doing it anymore, and, and I was still going out after work, so, um, you know, with these people and still friends with these people, and. To just not do it anymore. I, I have found others around me just not doing it as well. And whether I'm the one where they see, oh, he's not gonna do it, so am I, I think in any group, if, if you are gonna stand out for whatever it is you believe in, you will find support. And I, I have seen that, I have seen people come out, um, where they, they'll order the, the 0% or they'll not drink, um, for either their own or the same reasons.

Melissa: 20:16

What advice would you give to someone who's having that moment? And, well, before we get to that, did you have a moment, uh, maybe in that December before dry January, or was it just a culmination of feelings, but did you have a moment when you said, this is it, this has got change?

Sean: 20:36

Yeah, there was, it was a, um, quite an accumulation of, of moments, uh, to that point at the end of the 2020. I'd always had an issue with weight and it was, it's for any number of typical, normal reasons, but, and, um, there was a lot of, of moments where my drinking was not, it didn't, it wasn't good. Like I noticed some, and I don't wanna say generational trauma, but you know, there was, my dad drank and. There was some moments where I think he would've wished he could have been different, and I started to notice a pattern from what, what I grew up with. And I, I had, I was irritable and I would yell and I would do these things and, and then feel bad about it later. I would wake up the next day and, and not be happy for how the night before went and, and being overweight and feeling terrible and in this head space where I had to fix it myself and. Where I had to not ask for help and not reach out and remain tough. And like there was a lot of moments where I was confused and I was unsure, and I never thought about not being here. But you know, when you feel like you have to fix it yourself and you can't reach out and y you have to just know how to do it automatically. You know, I was, I was in a pretty dark place and, and it wasn't until I started to. Give myself permission by not drinking as simple as one small thing can be. It was like I could look into these other things that were gonna help me. I could ask for some help, or I could listen to the books or I could listen to the podcasts and, and, and pursue uncomfortable because I could already be this person. Why can't I be that person too? And, and it, it was, it was such a transition that, that, um, I was able to find that. It wasn't any more that anybody else can do too. You know, we all have this capability. It's just finding that, that thing that, that you say, you know what? I can be that person. I can read the books, or I can go for a walk, or I can start to exercise. It's, it's all just how we feel about it. Well, in your life

Melissa: 22:52

is such a great example of you don't have to do all the things all at once. You found one thing that would make a big difference in your life and you worked on that, and then it led to other opportunities.

Sean: 23:05

Definitely. It, it was, it was easy to compound one thing into the next, and when I started to learn about habits and, and routines and how to change habits, um, and, and that was where the kind of, the a hundred day mark came out, but it was, you know, 21 days or, or 60 days. And, and the, the different. Versions of that that say what it takes to break a habit, I found by writing down on the calendar and, and I had circles and checks and boxes and marks and all these things on my calendar that nobody would know except me for all the things I was trying to work on. And when I started to do it, I started with just brushing my teeth. Was, I wasn't happy. I wasn't doing it twice a day. You know, I have few dentist appointments with cavities, but I, I, I started by doing it every morning, every night. So I'd have a check in the morning, check at night, and I did that. It was 30 days, a hundred days, and then after a hundred days, I stopped keeping track of it to make sure that it was something I could just continue to do without documenting it. And some things were easier than others, but I, I was working on drinking, you know, as many glasses of water a day, brushing my teeth twice a day. Not drinking alcohol. Um, you know, doing some form of exercise, even if it's, you know, three sit-ups. Just something. And, and then seeing that over the a hundred days and beyond and then building from it, you know, once I stopped keeping track of brushing my teeth or working on three things at a time. You take doing five sit-ups a day for a hundred days and you start to do 10 or you start to. If I can do 50 today, but I can only do two or 10 tomorrow, it's just something every day to keep going and, and yeah, I found it was amazing to just compound on that and keep going.

Melissa: 24:52

Yeah. And obviously you, you, I experienced some tremendous results. What advice would you give to someone who's in that dark place right now that's wondering how to make a change?

Sean: 25:05

I think the, the biggest thing is that we don't know everything. Um, I, I'm as stubborn as the next person and it helped me down for a long time. And, and once I realized that I wasn't expected to fix it myself, and I could ask for help and I could learn about these things, it's the only way we're going to get the right information. We're not gonna find it, you know, following certain. Things that are toxic, right? Follow, uh, some of these like lifestyle accounts on Instagram or, you know, any of the socials, and you'll get that tidbit every day rather than something that you know, isn't gonna be productive. So the biggest thing is just be open to learning about the kinds of things that will help fix it. Because we, we don't know, we're not expected to know, but we like to tell ourselves we're, we're experts.

Melissa: 26:00

And tell us the name of your book again.

Sean: 26:03

Uh, my book is called Going Dry, my Path to Overcoming Habitual Drinking. Uh, it's available on Amazon and most bookstores online.

Melissa: 26:14

That link is in the show notes. So folks, make sure you click on that link and check out the book. Uh, is there anywhere else we can connect with you, Sean?

Sean: 26:23

Um, I am on Facebook. Uh, Facebook account is going dry. Uh, my Instagram account is going dry. Um, I have a YouTube channel. It's, uh, it's linked on my website, which is, uh, sean robinson.ca. Um, I've got some updating to do there, but all my, my stuff's gonna be gonna be there. And, and I guess one important note on my book is, Very much against, uh, masculine and, and the trades and background I come from was, was the concept of journaling. Um, when I started this thing ending 2020, I started this journal and it was kind of a place for me to just beat myself up and, and just question without having to listen or, or have anybody give me advice I wasn't ready for. And I maintained this journal through the decision to change and through this year, that was me. Documenting the dr, the not drinking part. And, and when I got through about nine, 10 months just after the wedding into another social function, a buddy had asked, you know, how, how is everything going? And, and it was a genuine question. Even though he was ordering and drinking his double tequila or something or other, um, I said, oh, I could write a book. And I'd said it in, in a, in a, in a general statement that there'd been so much that had happened that year that. That I really could have, and it kind of dawned on me in that moment that I, I had, mm-hmm. I'd maintained this journal. I had written this, this down, and while it was a place for me to document and beat myself up, it became interesting to me to be able to give that back in some form to where I was at when I was getting started, where I didn't know how to get started or how to reach out, or who to talk to or what to even do to come from the, the place where I thought I knew everything and. Where I was. This is just who I am mentality and, and in a place where I just had to stay in my lane and maintain a lifestyle. It was, it was the decision to change that I could have used that resource. So at that, that mark and through the remainder of that year, it was, it was from less replace of I need to just maintain this for my own to how can I make it that a reader will understand and can and will see. And, and it, it was, it was kind of a project for me to work on to see if, if it was something that would, would be worth it. And, and I just, we're not vulnerable. We feel like we have to hide these things and we can't show weakness, but it's through, you know, that as my own form of therapy. By putting that out there for my old self that could have used it, that, that, I, I really feel the benefit.

Melissa: 29:03

How has your definition of manhood changed in this journey?

Sean: 29:09

I think my definition is, is less tough and granular as it was maintaining that lifestyle of being tough and, and not showing weakness. And, and I think, I think we're a lot stronger when we let people in and when we show to our children and to our friends that we're human and we're. We have moments, we're not always gonna be a hundred percent. We're gonna, you know, be upset, we're gonna be happy. We're gonna have all these range of emotion. And I think manhood and, and manliness and all those things need that range of emotion. Of emotion and need, weakness when we need to be weak. And strength, when we need to be strong. And, and the only way for us to, to be healthy mentally and physically is to allow that.

Melissa: 29:58

Sounds like authenticity is a big part of your definition. Yes, for sure. Shawn, this is so much to digest and I just applaud you on all the work that you've done. It's difficult work. It is very difficult work, and you've done it. You've taken a small steps that have yielded huge results, and I think that's amazing to see. So thank you for sharing that journey

Sean: 30:25

with us. Yes. Thank you for, uh, for having me here. I, uh, I'm, I'm happy to, to share this to, to anybody that, that needs to hear it. I think, I don't think there's enough people in general, but especially not enough men talking about vulnerability and, you know, what might be considered weakness and, and we need to just have more conversations about it.

Melissa: 30:48

All right, friends, you've heard it here. First, make a bold move, click the links below, connect with Sean and start doing the work, and you'll see amazing change. Thanks, Sean.

Sean: 31:00

Thank you very much.